There must be something about getting another year older, as it was around this very time last year that I started this blog, and after nearly a whole year of absence, here I am again. Second verse, same as the first.
When I began this blog, I was about to graduate from college, for the third time. I don’t say the third time to brag: it was the third time because, frankly, I did not know what I wanted in life. My first time, with undergraduates degrees in Chinese and Anthropology, led me nowhere in particular, despite being a fun experience. My second, with a Master’s in East Asian Studies, was neither fun nor productive. And now I was about to complete my third, with a Master’s in TESOL (Teaching English to Speakers of Other Languages), and I still didn’t know if my life was going anywhere. In a sense, I had been running from school to school in order to escape “The Future,” and now, I would no longer to be able to do that.
After 8 years of running, I was terrified.
I soon found myself without a job, and without any tangible prospects. My girlfriend was working full time at the time, and so I was left alone with my thoughts. And, well…thus came this blog.
So why am I here again now?
Well, fast forward to August of last year, and I found my first grown-up job teaching ESL (English as a Second Language) at a state university. Again, I would be moving several states away, but this time, my girlfriend would be joining me, along with our two cats. I was very thankful to not be alone this time, though I was nervous about this new chapter nonetheless.
My work began almost immediately, and I’m happy to say, I fell in love with it. My coworkers and students are great, and the job itself is extremely rewarding. It didn’t make me a lot of money, and it demanded a lot of my time, but I am so thankful to have found some sort of purpose.
Before I knew it, I found myself here, one year later. Time has flown so quickly, that I can’t believe I’m already another year older.
Another year old, but still me. The same me that started this blog. The same me who struggles, every minute of every day, to reconcile to disparate selves.
And so here I am, struggling once again. Where do I go from here? Dark depression led to the birth of this space, and now, it will see to its resurrection.
Again, I may find myself sharing this journal one day. Or perhaps, once again, it will remain an utterly private affair.
Somehow, though, I’m now leaning more toward the former than ever.