First of all, look at the cover photo for this post and bask in the Pinterest-inspired glory of the vanity I designed for myself.
Second of all, it’s been…
Holy crap! I let six months go by between “On Transition” posts?!
I surely didn’t mean to do that. I missed documenting months 5-10 of transition, which are, arguably, some of the most biologically-significant months of transition.
Why are they significant, you might ask?
Well, not to make each of these posts about my girls, but I did just measure for the first time in half a year or so, and the calculator says I’m up to a C. So that’s been going on.
Oh, and my face has gone from this (pre-transition, bleh 🙈)…
to this (the day of my last “On Transition” post, 🤷🏼♀️)…
and, most recently, to this (😌).
Okay, there’s the physical changes. Well, all of them I care to write about right now. So why am I making this post?
I came out to the first of my bosses exactly one year ago tomorrow. At that point, I was at a crossroads, not knowing whether I’d be able to continue teaching at the job I love, or if I would even have a reason to stay in the state I was in. Coming out to her was handily one of the most difficult comings out (is that the plural?) I have had to do, because so much hinged on it. Apparently, I must’ve worn all that on my sleeve, as my boss and I have since laughed many times about the fact that I seemed so dire before my confession that she thought the absolute worst was about to come out of my mouth. By the time I actually spit “I am transgender” out, it was a complete non-issue by comparison.
About a month later, I had a meeting with her and my other bosses, where basically I laid out my plan for transition. The truth is, as so often seems to be the case in my life, I didn’t really have one, though I did know that I was by no means ready to come out to everyone (especially my students). So, somewhat arbitrarily, I stated that I would come out in exactly one year, at the beginning of the next year’s fall semester. I mean, there were a couple of practical reasons for this: the start of the new school year comes after the longest break of the year, and there are more new and fewer returning students in the fall.
That, and a year seems so far away when you are staring at it from the present.
I doubt I have to spell it out, but a lot has happened over the course of the past year. A. Lot.
For all intents and purposes, I am already out. Most people in my life know (I think), and work is the only place I still go by my deadname and he/him pronouns.
I have a single end-of-semester function tomorrow, after which, I am free of ever again having to pretend like I’m someone I’m not.
I honestly don’t have much to write about here. I know that I should, and that is why I am, but I really don’t. It’s just that, well, I only live this night once, and while I’m basically spending it counting down the minutes, it is significant enough to at least write something.
Oh, I guess I should mention that I haven’t yet come out on Facebook, which is the only social media I really used (other than Snapchat) prior to transition. I’ve had it since…God, 2006, and unlike everywhere else I’ve come out, it’s far from a safe space. Many will be supportive of me, but some certainly will not. But, eh…I’m still super excited. In fact, I already wrote my post–a week ago.
And tomorrow I post it.
And next week I get my first women’s haircut. And then I get my ears pierced. And then I get my nose pierced. And then, and then…
“It’s a dangerous business, Frodo, going out your door. You step onto the road, and if you don’t keep your feet, there’s no knowing where you might be swept off to.”